Peacocks and Aliens

I have a little alien in my chest.

Yesterday was port day! Yay! You may be asking yourself, "What the heck is a port?" I had no idea until just recently. Here is what it looks like:

Just like there's a little alien in there waiting to burst out! Very weird. The port serves as a receptor for the IV of chemo drugs that they'll be putting into me every other week. There is no permanent opening (which is how I thought it worked), so they'll punch through every time. Again, very weird. The catheter attached to it goes straight until one of my arteries so there is no lag time to start killing baddies. So it's lump vs. lump. May the best lump win.

Oh, and did I mention that gave me a free pair of sweet socks with the little grippy dots on the bottom? They're blue. Free stuff rocks.

Chemo starts Monday at 11 so Bryan and I went and did our "chemo teach" the other day. We watched a 45 minute video (complete with a Powerpoint Notes handout) and then went through all the details with Nurse Amy. Long story short, the next 8 weeks are really going to suck, and then the following 12 weeks will suck less. The first combo of drugs will cause nausea, hair loss, constipation, fatigue, and a host of other fun side effects. Eating, apparently, will also be a challenge because the chemo makes everything taste different. I was told not to eat anything I like during the first week of each round because I will quickly not like it anymore. Also, no fatty or fried food. Less sugar. Cocktails, though, are allowed on a limited basis. Thank god.

The second drug, which I start in January, doesn't cause nausea. Big step forward there. But because it is administered every week instead of every other week, the fatigue could be the biggest hurdle. It's cumulative, so as I move on, it will wear on me more and more.....especially in the evenings. Luckily for me, one of the best ways to combat fatigue is to exercise. I say luckily because I was afraid I was going to lose all of my fitness during this ordeal. I will probably lose a lot of it, but it's nice to know I'm allowed to push myself a little and that it will actually make me feel better. My wonderful husband has oked the purchase of a cheap treadmill to put in our spare room so I can work out easily at home. Party bonus; it has also inspired him to clean all his stuff out of the spare room. SCORE!

So because my hair will start falling out a week after I start chemo, I decided to cut some of it off. I read that it is less traumatic that way. And that thinning hair is less noticeable when your hair is short. So off it went.

It may be less traumatic to watch short hair fall out, but getting to that point was pretty traumatic in itself. The poor girl at Aveda that got my case didn't know what she was getting herself into. She was pretty new and I asked her to dye my hair blue and cut it all off (it's very short in the back). And on top of that my hair is super thick and pretty wavy.

The poor baby started out by messing up on the blue. The dark blue dye she put in my hair caught onto the blonde highlights I already had and turned them aqua. So I ended up with multi-color hair that looked a bit like a peacock. I actually really like it now, but she was distraught that she had messed up. She called over everyone she could find and tries several different methods of scrubbing my hair to try to get the aqua out. I admit that I cried a little. But then an enlightening thing happened.....

3 hours into my hair appointment I was watching this poor distraught hairdresser beat herself up over messing up the cancer lady's hair and I found myself saying, "Don't worry about it.....it's just hair." And I realized it was true. It's just hair. It's going to fall out. And I'm going to deal with it. And it will come back. I will probably cry when it falls out. But it will be ok.

It will all be ok.

I definitely needed a cocktail after the hair adventure.
I think you should have one, too.

Cocktail pairing: Boulder Beer Shake (because chocolate and beer are a perfect pairing for mental trauma. Yummmm......)